


it's never really over

by catching_paper_moons



Series: as the years go on [1]
Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Future Fic, M/M, Post-Break Up, i'd never keep them broken up y'all i promise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-12
Updated: 2019-07-12
Packaged: 2020-06-27 04:50:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19783615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catching_paper_moons/pseuds/catching_paper_moons
Summary: “So. Eliott, huh?”“Would you stop?” he hisses, and Emma rolls her eyes right back. “I invited him to be nice. Idriss and Sofiane weren’t going to come without him, probably, and Imane wanted Sofiane to be here, you know…” he trails off with a vague, hand-wavy motion. Emma nods sagely. “Plus, Mika and Lisa miss him.”“So do you.”-or, how to get back together with your ex.





	it's never really over

**Author's Note:**

> anyone heard the song "Never Really Over" by Katy Perry? that song slaps and it inspired this fic entirely. title comes from that.
> 
> lucas and eliott are in love, and i hope they never break up, but sometimes shit happens. i promise it ends happily. <3 
> 
> thank you to my wonderful friends who read this and said it was good enough to be published <3

_ Five! Four! Three! Two! _

_...One. _

“Happy New Year!” Mika shouts in his ear, and Lucas winces, laughing a little at the sheer volume Mika has managed to produce. He plants a wet smack on his cheek, and says something about finding Lisa, and Lucas nods, pushing him toward the center of the room. He hops up on the counter as the clock changes to  _ 00:01,  _ and he just watches his friends, enamored at their joy. Everyone seems to be paired off, and Lucas sips his drink, watching everyone kiss, hug, dance. He sees Mika say something to Lisa, and they sneak off. Lucas shakes his head; he’ll never understand their relationship, whatever it is. Lucas finishes off the rest of his drink as Emma slides next to him. 

“Is it weird for you to see Yann and Chloé together?” she asks, and Lucas coughs out a laugh. She narrows her eyes, smiling at him, and lays her head on his shoulder. “Because she was your beard, or whatever.”

“Emma!” he exclaims, elbowing her side gently, and she laughs, reaching around him for a half empty can of beer. He grimaces. “Don’t drink that.”

“I’m pretty sure it’s mine,” she says, and proceeds to drain it. Lucas shudders a bit, and rolls his neck, letting his head loll to the side. Yann moves to kiss Chloé, and, though he has no feelings for either party anymore, it’s still weird, and he scoffs. “Thought it’d be weird.” Lucas rolls his eyes, though he’d never give Emma the satisfaction of knowing she’s right. His eyes gloss over the sea of people, Manon and Daphné doing their awkward flirting routine, Arthur furiously typing out a message to his mom, probably, while Alexia curls into his side, and they land on the one person who he doesn’t  _ really  _ want to be here, but he’d invited anyway. “So. Eliott, huh?”

“Would you stop?” he hisses, and Emma rolls her eyes right back. “I invited him to be nice. Idriss and Sofiane weren’t going to come without him, probably, and Imane wanted Sofiane to be here, you know…” he trails off with a vague, hand-wavy motion. Emma nods sagely. “Plus, Mika and Lisa miss him.”

“So do you.” She blinks at him innocently, and he sighs, shaking his head so minutely he barely notices it, but Emma picks up on it immediately. “Yes, you do. I was there when it happened, and I was there afterwards, and I know that you miss him.” She pinches his cheeks, and he yelps, swatting her hands away. “There’s no use denying it.”

Lucas won’t dignify her with an answer, so he opts for staring at the side of Eliott’s face instead, his eyes crinkling as he laughs at something Idriss says, and Lucas’s stomach swoops, and he exhales, shaky and loud. He can see Emma frown from the corner of his eye, but he’s still focused on Eliott, beautiful, gorgeous, glowing Eliott.  _ He’s thriving _ , Lucas’s mind says.  _ He doesn’t need you. _

“He’s happy, isn’t he?” he says, quietly, and Emma lays her head on his shoulder again, gripping his arm.  _ He’s happy without you. _

“I don’t know,” Emma says, but it sounds like  _ yes.  _ “I haven’t seen him since… you know.”

Lucas does.

—

It wasn’t a fight, eventful or fraught or angry or passionate. 

It wasn’t devastating or morose or crushing or fucked up.

It was just this.

“I don’t know that this is working.” That was Eliott. So nonchalant. So Lucas had taken his cue, despite feeling blindsided and wrecked and  _ sick to his stomach  _ and he’d responded in kind.

“You’re probably right.” And there was more dialogue, but Eliott had walked out of movie night, out of Lucas’s life, with his brown jacket and Lucas’s entire fucking  _ heart,  _ and he’d waited until he was sure Eliott was gone, until he’d pushed his feelings down so much he couldn’t recognize them if he tried, and he’d texted Manon, and she’d brought Emma and Imane over and they cried with him and he felt a little lighter until he realized he’d have to tell everyone, including his mom, and then he’d cried a little (a lot) more, and they held him the whole time, while sobs wracked his body, and he was sure he’d woken up his neighbors.

And then Lisa had burst through the door, Mika hot on her heels, a plate of burnt cookies in her hands, and that set him off all over again. Just a never ending stream of tears on a stupidly long Thursday night. Eventually, Imane and Emma went home, because it was a school night and Lucas told them to, and Lisa had shoved a cookie in his mouth that he promptly spit out, which made everyone laugh, including him. Mika and Manon gave him a Benadryl at some point to clear his nose and put him to sleep, and he didn’t wake up until 12 the next day, and there were muffins on the counter and a note saying that Mika had called the school to say he wasn’t going. He’d grabbed a muffin and ate half of it before throwing it up, and Lisa had hovered in the doorway awkwardly before she sat next to him while he sobbed. 

And there were no more tears, after that.

—

Lucas waves at everyone as they leave, kisses on cheeks as they venture into the bitter cold or to Manon’s apartment. Emma stays firmly planted by his side, waving at everyone. Yann and Chloé leave together, and Lucas and Emma fall into each other, giggling wildly at the thought of what they’ll do. Imane looks at them and rolls her eyes, all-knowing, and gives them both hugs, and Sofiane waves, and Lucas is red-faced and teary-eyed from all the laughs, and Emma sits up straighter, smile fading.

“Hey,” Lucas hears, and he looks over, wiping a tear away, and blinks. The voice is deep and smooth, and he looks up to see Idriss, smiling warmly, and Eliott next to him. Lucas smiles back, lips pressed together, and Emma accepts the hug. “Thanks for the party, it was fun.”

“Of course,” Lucas says, and he finds himself meaning it. Eliott tries to catch his eye, but he looks away, clearing his throat. “Thank you for coming. I’m glad you enjoyed it.” 

“Have a good night!” Emma says, leaning into Lucas, and he’s grateful for her presence, suddenly, as he and Eliott lock eyes. 

“You too,” Eliott says, and then he’s gone. Lucas distantly registers that as the first time he’s really spoken to Eliott since the break-up. Emma’s rubbing his arm a little, and he leans into her warmth, suddenly exhausted and frustrated and teary-eyed, but not from the laughter, this time, and she squeezes him tight.

Daphné comes toward them with wide, sympathetic eyes, and Lucas rolls his right back at her, and she immediately embraces him.  _ Don’t cry, don’t cry,  _ he chants to himself, but if a tear slips out, she doesn’t say a word, simply rubs his back. She kisses his cheeks, and Emma’s, and shows herself out with a “I’ll be at Manon’s,” and Emma hops off the counter. She holds her hand out, and Lucas follows, grabbing two cups as he lands. 

“It’s fine, Lucas,” she says. “You did great.”

“I know.” He throws the cups away in the bag Manon is holding, and surveys. “I’ll clean this by myself tomorrow, you guys. You can go.” He shrugs, sweeping some of the garbage into the bag, taking it from Manon. Manon blinks at him, and Lucas gestures to the door. “It’s fine. Go.” 

“Let’s just clean it now,” Emma says, and pushes Manon toward her own apartment. “I’ll help him.” Manon looks between them, helpless and confused, and she closes the door softly, finally, with a pointed look at both of them. “Come on, lazy.” They work together quickly, and it’s fun, more fun than Lucas had by himself, tonight. They play soft music, and collapse on the couch at the end, garbage bags tied and left neatly by the door. 

“You’re not leaving now, are you?” Lucas mumbles, locking his phone. He looks over at her, and she shrugs. “Em, it’s so late.”

“I was just gonna sleep on Manon’s couch.” 

“Her and Daphné are hooking up, just stay here,” he says. “My bed’s big enough for you to share.” 

Emma smiles at him, and they stand, wobbly and drunk with exhaustion (okay, and maybe vodka, too), and they make it to his bed, barely. Emma passes out almost instantaneously, and when Lucas crawls into bed, she’s snoring softly. He hasn’t shared a bed with someone in a long time, and though Emma is not Eliott, obviously, her presence is comforting enough to lull him to sleep.

He gets the best sleep he’s had in months.

—

**Eliott**

_ Do you still work at the coffee shop on Rue Marcadet? _

_ Just because I was wondering how busy it is, typically, on Monday mornings _

Lucas squints at his phone, locks it, goes through the five stages of grief, picks it back up, and stares at the texts again, all in the span of 30 seconds. “Are you  _ kidding _ me?” he mutters to himself, and he runs his hands through his hair. Mika traipses into the kitchen, wearing only boxers and a kimono that he  _ definitely  _ stole from Manon, and stops dead in his tracks at Lucas’s suspicious expression.

“What? Did someone die?” Lucas snorts, rolling his eyes. He turns his phone around and shows Mika the texts, wordlessly, and Mika sits down, squinting at Lucas’s phone. After what feels like one thousand years, he looks up, brows furrowed. “What the fuck?”

“Yeah, that was my question!” Lucas exclaims, slamming his hands on the table. “This is the first time he’s texted me since he fucking left, and it’s to ask if I still work at  _ Lomi?!”  _ He stands and angrily pours himself more coffee, turning around to look at Mika. “I don’t get it! I don’t understand! I respected his wishes! I unfollowed him on Instagram, I didn’t text him, we stayed as cordial as we could, and now he’s fucking  _ texting  _ me? About where I work?!” Lucas deflates, suddenly, and he sets his coffee on the counter. “What the fuck?”

“Maybe he thought that since you invited him to New Year’s it was fair game to be friends?” Mika suggests, and Lucas narrows his eyes, an “if looks could kill” expression taking over his face. Mika throws his hands up in surrender. “I’m just saying.”

“Maybe he doesn’t know how much he hurt you.” It’s low, quiet, but there’s Lisa, standing in the doorway. “I don’t know that as fact. But he’s  _ Eliott.  _ Odds are he has no clue how this is affecting you.”

“He’s incredibly emotionally intelligent, Lisa, I think he probably knows exactly what he’s doing,” Mika snaps, and Lisa turns to him, poised for a fight, and Lucas holds his hands up, shaking his head. “What, kitten?”

Lucas sighs, taking a sip of his coffee, and he can see Mika frown out of the corner of his eye. Lucas shakes his head again. “The truth always lies somewhere in the middle.” His mouth twists into a frown, and he pours the coffee down the drain, watching it disappear as he rinses the sink out with the faucet. Part of him thinks that could be a metaphor, but Eliott was the one who was good at metaphors, not him. “He probably understands on some level, but his insecurities tell him something else. I don’t know.” Lucas shrugs. “Doesn’t change the fact that the first words he’s spoken to me since the breakup were, “You, too,” and now he’s asking me about my job.” Lucas grabs his phone from the table and shoulders past Lisa, stopping in the hallway. He laughs a little, to himself.  _ He’s so stupid. _ “I’m gonna answer him.”

“You’re  _ WHAT?!”  _ Mika screeches, and Lucas runs to his room, shutting the door, heart pounding. As much as he wants to pretend he’s okay enough to ignore Eliott, he’s not. He types out one message, and prides himself on not sending another more.

**Lucas**

_ depends on how fast you need your service to be _

His finger hovers over the keyboard but he locks his phone, throwing it on the bed, and exhales. He opens the door, and Mika and Lisa fall in, on top of each other. They scramble to their feet, chagrined, and Lucas presses his lips together, trying not to laugh. “I sent it.”

“What did you say?!” Mika pushes past him, grabbing the phone and shoving it in his face. “Unlock this!” 

“I didn’t say anything  _ bad,”  _ Lucas says, snatching his phone from Mika. He unlocks it, shows it to Mika, and then shoves it in the pocket of his sweatshirt. “See? Nothing incriminating.”

“I didn’t even read it,” Lisa whines, and Lucas sighs, rolling his eyes.

“Whatever. Leave my room, please, I’m gonna do some homework.” Lucas pushes them out the door, and Mika yells something about Lucas not having any homework, and Lucas grunts as it shuts, locking it behind them. He exhales loudly, and his phone pings. He freezes. His phone pings again. He pushes away from the door slowly, walking toward it with outstretched arms as if the phone would attack him should he move too quickly. It pings again, and he jumps, grabbing it.

**Eliott**

_ Lol okay _

_ It’s just that I have a study group that needs to meet and we need a space _

_ So we thought maybe Lomi would be good _

“You’ve got to be joking,” Lucas mutters, letting his body fall onto the bed. He grabs a pillow, stuffs his face in it, and screams. He was fine until Eliott texted him. Really, he was.

(He wasn’t. It’s fine.)

—

  
  


He doesn’t work on Monday morning, but he gets a text from Eliott nonetheless.

**Eliott**

_ So you never answered my question. _

Lucas rolls his eyes.

**Lucas**

_ which is? _

**Eliott**

_ Do you still work here? _

**Lucas**

_ not on monday mornings _

**Eliott**

_ Oh _

_ That’s too bad _

**Lucas**

_ why? _

**Eliott**

_ Because I hoped to see you _

Lucas really,  _ really  _ regrets inviting Eliott to the party, because Mika was probably right. Eliott totally thinks it’s fair game to be friends again, and Lucas is suffering because as over it as he thought he was, he clearly  _ isn’t,  _ and he’s struggling to breathe, right now, because Eliott is texting him saying he  _ hoped to see him.  _

“Like what the fuck does that mean?!” he exclaims. Lisa’s eyes remained trained on the TV screen, so Lucas keeps going. “He ‘hoped to see me?’ At the coffee shop? Where I work? What the  _ fuck,  _ Lisa?!” Lucas throws his phone on the couch cushion, and Lisa picks it up, handing it to him, unfazed. She doesn’t say anything, so he sits next to her, and she turns her head, finally, looking at him. “Why is he doing this?” 

“I don’t know how you said ‘sad face emoji’ but you did. I’m impressed,” Lisa says, and Lucas sends her a glare. She shakes her head. “Why would I know? You’re the one who dated him.”

“Yeah, but he practically  _ lived  _ here,” Lucas says. “You know him too.” 

Lisa grabs the remote, turning off the TV. “Do you want my honest thoughts?” she asks, voice commanding. Lucas blinks, nodding, suddenly intrigued. “I think that he’s fucking with you, and that you need to be careful, because I listened to you cry for 24 hours straight, practically, and I’m not fucking doing that again, okay?” She huffs, turning back to the TV. Lucas gapes. “I’m going to watch Fort Boyard, now.”

“I don’t think you’ve ever strung together so many words at one time,” he says, instead of “I love you,” because against all odds, Lisa really is a decent person, and he really does like her. Before she can turn the TV back on, he grabs her wrist. “But you said last week—”

“Yeah, and  _ you  _ said yourself he probably knows on some level what he’s doing.” Lisa sighs, looking him in the eye. Lucas suddenly feels uncomfortable. He’s not sure they’ve ever made eye contact, before. “I’m not saying it’s malicious, or that he even quite  _ knows  _ he’s doing it. I just—” she cuts herself off, looking away before mumbling, so quietly Lucas has to strain to hear her, “I can’t listen to you cry again.”

He softens at that, letting go of her wrist. “I’ll be careful,” he promises, and she nods, turning the TV back on. He leans back and lets the sounds of Fort Boyard overtake him, and his phone dings again.

**Eliott**

_ But it was good to see you the other night, anyway. _

Lucas grabs the throw pillow and screams into it. If Lisa notices, she doesn’t say a word.

—

By the time uni starts back up, he’s successfully dodged Eliott what feels like a thousand times. Eliott walks in while he’s working? He’s stocking things in the back, too busy. Eliott’s hanging out with Idriss and Imane at Manon’s? Lucas goes over to Emma’s. The coloc throws a party and invites Eliott because it’d be shitty not to? Lucas spends all night with Yann, Arthur, and Baz, making sure he and Eliott never really cross paths. It works well,  _ really  _ well, until he and Manon run straight into him at the smoothie place in the main building at their university. 

“Eliott!” Manon exclaims, and he smiles, trying to catch Lucas’s eye. Lucas looks away, cheeks burning. “I thought you had class at this time?”

“That was last semester,” he says, and she nods, knowingly. Lucas wishes the floor would swallow him whole. “How are you guys?”

“I’m good, yeah.” Manon smiles, and Lucas looks between them, and she clears her throat, and he nods.

“Yeah, what she said.” He smiles back, though he’s sure it comes out more like a grimace. Eliott’s brows furrow, and Lucas swallows audibly. “Uh, and you?”

“Yeah, I’m alright. Listen, Lucas—” Eliott starts, but Manon cuts him off.

“Anyway, so sorry, but we both have classes to get to,” she says, apologetic as ever, and Eliott nods. “It was good to see you again, though.” She grabs Lucas’s elbow, pulling him toward the lecture hall, and she sighs, once they’re out of range. “I’m sorry.”

“Not your fault,” he replies, and she walks toward her lecture, waving at him. Lucas opens the door, slinking to his seat, and he zones out. It’s a lecture on mitochondria and cellular fission and other shit he already completely knows, so he thinks back on everything, the facts, the assumptions, everything he possibly can.

Fact #1: Eliott looked really good. 

He rolls his eyes at himself, opening his notebook and scribbling furiously. That’s not the type of fact he wants. He tries again.

Fact #1: He invited Eliott to the New Year’s Eve party. Not Mika, not Lisa, not Manon, him. 

Fact #2: Eliott texted him a mere three days after, asking about his work schedule and said he’d “hoped to see him.”

Fact #3: Eliott tried to talk to him in the smoothie shop today.

It’s that last one that Lucas is hung up on, the fact that Eliott fully intended to speak to him today after months of radio silence. Manon had stopped Eliott, which Lucas is very grateful for, because he wouldn’t have handled it well, but he can’t say he’s not intrigued by what Eliott wanted to say. He wonders what it could be. He’s fantasized about a conversation like this, with Eliott, for  _ months,  _ on what he’d say if Eliott tried to talk to him. He has ideas, so many ideas. He’s thought about a simple “fuck you,” or maybe a “I still love you but I can’t do this.” Him trying to be strong because even though he loves Eliott with every fiber of his being, he can’t imagine being rejected  _ again.  _

Of course, that all hinges on Eliott saying he wants to get back together. For all he knows, this could be Eliott telling him that he shouldn’t have even invited him to the New Year’s Eve party, and that their self-imposed boundaries aren’t enough, and that he never even loved him in the first place—

Okay, admittedly, he might be spiraling.

He thinks about Eliott the whole way back home after his meeting with his advisor, the way Eliott had said he still loved Lucas but he felt suffocated, like they needed to grow by themselves because they’d been together for so long and hadn’t really spent time apart. It all sounded like bullshit then and it still sounds like bullshit now, and yet Lucas thinks if Eliott said, “let’s get back together,” he might jump right back in.

Eliott’s the love of his life. He knows it. But everyone always leaves. 

By the time he opens the door to the coloc, he’s exhausted, it’s been a long,  _ long  _ day, and Mika and Lisa are yelling at each other. He rolls his eyes. It’s never quiet here, and now is no exception. 

“Why are you yelling now?” he asks, setting the groceries he’d bought on the way home on the counter. He unpacks the milk, beer, and cheese, heading to the fridge. “Hello?”

“Lucas! I need your opinion,” Mika yells back. “Do you think I look like a young Brad Pitt? Stephan said that to me in bed the other night and Lisa says he was just trying to sweet talk.”

“He was! You look nothing  _ like  _ Brad Pitt!”

_ “Young  _ Brad Pitt!” 

“Stop, stop.” Lucas walks into the living room, leaning against the wall. He tilts his head, taking in all of Mika’s features, looking him up and down. He narrows his eyes, considering, and Mika blinks innocently, which makes Lucas shake his head. “First of all, who’s Stephan?”

“The new hottie I’m with, keep up.” Lisa smacks him with a pillow.

“Ah, okay.” Lucas does another scan, bites his lip, thinking hard. He sighs. “I don’t see it.”

_ “Thank  _ you!” Lisa yells as Mika yells “hey!”, and Lucas rolls his eyes, stepping back toward his room. “Wait, where are you going? We’re not done!”

“I’m going to do my homework. Stop yelling.” 

He retreats to his room and splays out across the bed, sinking into the mattress. His eyes close as he breathes deep, letting go of all the stress that hit him like a ton of bricks the moment he saw Eliott in the coffee shop. 

_ Eliott.  _

He pulls out his phone, shooting off a text to Yann before sinking back into the mattress, his body limp. He registers his phone buzzing, but he’s too tired to check, his eyes closing involuntarily. He can feel himself drifting off, his whole body positively melting into the bedding as he becomes one with the sheets when there’s a sharp rap on his door. He groans, sitting up. “What, Mika?”

“Uh...there’s someone here to see you.”

Lucas rolls his eyes, stuffing his face back into his comforter. “Whatever.” He hears the footsteps and immediately clocks them, shooting up from his position, eyes wide. “Um.”

“Hi,” Eliott says, and Lucas’s breath hitches. He takes him in; his disheveled appearance, him chewing on his bottom lip incessantly, his wild eyes. “I really need to talk to you.”

Lucas looks down at the ground, heartbeat quickening. He sighs, closing his eyes. “Yeah, okay. Whatever.” He lays back on the bed, rolling his eyes. “Talk, Eliott.”

“I fucked up.” Lucas blinks, sitting up. He raises an eyebrow, gesturing for Eliott to continue. “I fucked up. I thought I was doing us both a favor, but after seeing you on New Year’s...god.” He cuts himself off, voice cracking. He wipes something from his face, and Lucas looks away; if he sees Eliott crying, he’ll lose it too. “I miss you. I’m sorry.”

Lucas takes a deep breath, taking it all in. It’s everything he wanted Eliott to say, and yet...nothing feels right. He scoffs, and Eliott flinches.  _ Good. _ “You thought you were doing us both a favor,” Lucas repeats. Eliott looks at the floor as the chewing on his bottom lip intensifies. “You thought you were doing us both a  _ favor,  _ yet  _ I  _ don’t recall being consulted, Eliott.” Lucas blinks, his stare hardening. He doesn’t want to blow up; he can feel the anger bubbling in his chest, threatening to pour over, but he reigns it in, shaking his head. “You didn’t ask what I wanted.”

“I didn’t,” Eliott confirms. Lucas nods, and Eliott moves toward him. Lucas throws his hand out, stopping him. He still can’t look him in the eye. “Lucas, please look at me.”

“No.” Lucas brings his knee to his chest. “You didn’t ask me what I wanted. You didn’t ask whether or not you  _ breaking my goddamn heart  _ would be ‘doing me a favor.’ Newsflash, Eliott; it fucking  _ wasn’t!”  _ Lucas laughs, incredulous, and stands suddenly, whirling around to face Eliott. Eliott jumps. “Just what kind of favor were you doing?” 

“I… “ Eliott trails off, and Lucas laughs again. Eliott sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. “No, stop, you  _ know  _ I felt suffocated and I couldn’t figure out why and I had to leave before I hurt you!” 

“That makes no fucking sense, Eliott.” Lucas throws his door open, storming out. He musters up all of his courage to turn around, look Eliott up and down, and shake his head. “Fuck you.”

“Lucas!” He can hear Eliott following him as he opens the front door, no clue where he’s going. He needed to  _ get out,  _ and Eliott standing in his room, forcing Lucas to look at him was going to cause him to break, and he  _ can’t.  _ He needs to stand firm. Lucas steps outside, and only then does he notice it’s raining. “Lucas, please.”

Lucas spins back around, sending the hardest glare he can to Eliott. “You… you didn’t even ask what I wanted, Eliott! What if I wanted you to stay? Isn’t that what we fucking said? Minute by minute? I’d rather have you here annoying me than not having you at all? And you threw that all away because… because what, Eliott?!” Lucas is fully yelling right now, and Eliott steps forward. Lucas stands firm. 

“Because you deserved better!” Eliott’s voice cracks, and Lucas is so close to breaking, so close to walking over there and saying it’s fine, they can talk about it later, but he closes his eyes, telling himself that he needs Eliott to know what he did. Lucas can’t believe how fucking  _ stupid  _ he is. He’s so smart, so creative, so beautiful, but he’s a fucking  _ idiot,  _ and Lucas is  _ tired.  _

“Yeah, but you  _ left!”  _ Lucas screams, and Eliott reacts like he’s been slapped, so Lucas presses on. “Do you even understand how much that fucked me up? No, it’s not your fucking fault, but you sure didn’t  _ help  _ the years of fucking  _ trauma  _ my parents put me through, and then you fucking. Left.” His voice breaks, his lip quivers, and he can’t cry, not now. He doesn’t want Eliott to feel guilty, no; he just wants him to  _ understand,  _ understand that Eliott can’t just waltz back in like he didn’t send Lucas into fucking therapy for the first time since he was twelve.

(He won’t say that. He knows that’ll hurt more than anything he’s said so far.)

“I did,” Eliott says, so softly Lucas can barely hear him. “Maybe this was a mistake.”

Lucas laughs, even more incredulous than before. Eliott jumps at the sudden volume. “A mistake? No, no, no, you fucking... _ idiot!”  _ Lucas takes a step toward him, and Eliott does, too. He’s shaking, Lucas can tell, and he knows. He lowers his voice. “Don’t run away from this. You say I deserved better? There’s no one better for me than you. I didn’t beieve in love until you. And I’m not saying that  _ all  _ high school sweethearts have to stay together… “ He trails off, taking another step forward. They’re so close their noses could touch. “But the way I feel about you I will  _ literally never  _ feel about anyone else.”

Eliott steps away, then, and Lucas groans. “Lucas, you… I hurt you! I hurt you and I fucked that up and I made a mistake breaking up with you but it feels permanent, after everything you’ve said!” Eliott says, and Lucas shakes his head, closing the gap back up and kissing him.

(Not to be cliche, because when has Lucas  _ ever  _ been cliche, but it’s as though time slows down. When their lips finally touched, after the first time in months,  _ years  _ it feels like… it’s like coming home. Lucas’s entire body lights up, like he was only surviving until Eliott came back. His whole body is on fire, pulsating with energy, like he could burst at any moment and create the reprieve of this storm they’re standing in.

He’s so,  _ so  _ in love, and still a little mad, but mostly just happy that Eliott’s kissing him back.)

He pulls back, laughing at the absurdity of the situation, and he bites his lip, looking at Eliott’s face. “Kind of funny how we keep kissing in the rain, huh?” Eliott smiles, though it doesn’t quite reach his eyes, and Lucas tilts his head to catch his gaze. “Hey, Eliott.” Eliott looks up, then, and Lucas smiles.  _ “Je t’aime.”  _

Eliott laughs, then, burying his face in Lucas’s neck, and they stand there, rain falling all around them, just holding each other for the first time in five months. Five long, excruciating, heartbreaking months, but it led them here, and Lucas wouldn’t change it for the world.

Probably. 

But now he’s cold, so he pulls back, taking Eliott’s hand. “Come upstairs,” he says, soft and in love.

“Okay,” Eliott replies, nervous and shy but just as in love.

And as they close the door, the rain stops.

—

Later, much later, they’re laying in Lucas’s bed, curled around each other. Lucas won’t dare to let go; he’d done that once, and he sure as hell won’t do it again. He lays his head on Eliott’s chest and listens to his heartbeat, lets his fingers dance up and down Eliott’s bare arm. Eliott shivers, and Lucas smiles, his heart beating wildly.

“Eliott?” he says, quieter than he means to be. Eliott hums, and Lucas takes a deep breath. “You know I love you, right? And when I was talking out there, I meant everything I said. I’d rather have you here than not have you at all.”

“I know.”

“But we need to communicate, right?” Lucas props himself up, looking down at Eliott’s face: the way his nose slopes and his lips curl into a small smile, the rise and fall of his chest. Lucas could stare at him forever. “Eliott.”

His eyes open. “We do. I… “ He stops talking, frowning at the ceiling. “It’s hard to explain.”

Lucas smooths the hair out of his face, pressing a kiss to Eliott’s forehead. “Take your time.”

Eliott shakes his head, sitting up. Lucas follows, laying his head on Eliott’s shoulder. The longer Eliott is silent the more nervous Lucas gets, but he hugs Eliott’s arm, pressing his face to the back of Eliott’s shoulder. “I… I felt suffocated.” Lucas nods, kissing Eliott’s shoulder. “And I felt suffocated because I was manic. And I knew that you meant well, somewhere in my brain, but I didn’t know how to tell you that I was just going to get more and more mad the more you kept talking… nothing was rational in my brain. I wanted to say we needed space, but the last time that happened we fought, and everything felt like too much. I didn’t want to fight.” Eliott takes a deep breath, and Lucas frowns harder, though he hides it in the fabric of Eliott’s sweatshirt. “I don’t know. I made everything more complicated in my head and thought the easiest way to make sure you’d be okay was to break up with you.”

Lucas opens his mouth and then closes it, unsure of what to say. He gets what Eliott is saying, sort of; the rationale doesn’t quite make sense to Lucas, but he rolls with it. “So… you told yourself that ending things was the best way to make sure I didn’t get hurt.” Lucas speaks slowly, trying to make sense of it in his brain, but it doesn’t quite work. Eliott shrugs.

“All I do is hurt you, Lucas.” Eliott hangs his head, then, like a scolded child, and it clicks, then, what Eliott is saying.

“Eliott. You don’t hurt me.” Lucas cups his cheek, turning his face toward’s Lucas’s. “You hurt me by breaking up with me, sure, but us fighting doesn’t hurt me. I get why it happens. We’re both figuring this out as we go. Haven’t you noticed how little we’d been fighting up until then? We were getting so much better.”

“But all I wanted was to fight. Nothing you said was going to make it better.” Eliott shakes his head, running a shaking hand through his hair. Lucas presses a kiss to his shoulder. “I didn’t want… I was embarrassed, and I hadn’t had an episode in so long, and in my manic phase I did some shit I’m not proud of, including breaking up with you, and… God, Lucas. I’m so sorry.” His voice breaks on the last word, and Lucas’s heart breaks with it.

“I know.” Lucas holds him, then, and Eliott starts to cry, then. They sit there for a long time, while Eliott cries and cries, and Lucas tells him how much he loves him, over and over until his cries subside, and Lucas is still holding him, kissing him, whispering how much he loves him. It’s an indescribable number of minutes they sit there, silent, quiet, but eventually, Lucas breaks the silence. “I know you’re sorry, Eliott.”

Eliott shudders, and Lucas holds him tighter. “I don’t want to hurt you again. I can’t promise that I won’t.”

Lucas nods. “I know.”

“But I love you, and being without you for five months was hard and seeing you smiling and laughing on New Year’s Eve without me was  _ harder  _ and I—” he breaks off, voice cracking again.

“I know, Eliott.” Lucas smiles a little, and takes Eliott’s face between both of his hands. “We’re gonna do better. And be honest.” Eliott nods, and Lucas leans forward, kissing him once. “And we’re gonna be okay because this? Us? It’s meant to be.” Eliott turns his gaze away, opting instead to pick at a loose thread on the duvet, and Lucas frowns. “We’ll go slow. We don’t have to start over, but we’ll go slow, because we need to, and we’ll talk when things are messy, and we’ll fight when they’re messier. But we’ll take it minute by minute, right?”

Eliott smiles a little, and Lucas is reminded of the first time he thought of that, when Eliott had tried to end it again and Lucas didn’t even let it get to that point. Eliott turns back, eyes glassy, and Lucas smiles at him. Eliott takes a deep, shaky breath, and Lucas thumbs a tear away. “Minute by minute. Yeah.”

“Okay.” Lucas lays down, and Eliott follows, slowly, as if he’s unsure of what he’s allowed to do, now. Lucas pulls him down, and Eliott laughs, laying his head on Lucas’s chest. Lucas runs his fingers through Eliott’s hair and watches Eliott’s eyes close, the content look on his face as Lucas holds him, and his eyes prickle with tears. He kisses the top of Eliott’s head and lets his eyes close. He’s close to drifting off completely when Eliott shifts in his arms.

“Lucas?” Eliott mumbles. Lucas tightens his arms, and Eliott giggles again. Lucas feels his heart flutter at the sound. “I have to pee.”

“Are you serious?” Lucas says, and Eliott laughs a little harder this time. “Come on, I just got you back and you’re leaving me?”

Eliott keeps laughing, and Lucas tightens his arms. “Seriously, Lucas… if you keep making me laugh I’ll pee my pants.”

“But I want to cuddle,” Lucas whines, and Eliott slips out from his grasp, walking toward the bathroom. “Eliott!”

“I’ll be right back, okay?” The door closes halfway, and Lucas sits up, rubbing at his eyes and checking his phone. He’s got three texts from Yann, so he opens his phone. 

**Yann**

_ Yeah, I saw that Eliott ran into you guys, are you okay? Manon told me _

_ Lucas? Are you there? _

_ Ah, okay, Mika texted me to say Eliott showed up. Hope all is well  _

Lucas smiles, and he takes a deep breath.

**Lucas**

_ it’s fine, we talked, i think we’re back together _

_ thanks for checking :) _

He lays back down, setting his phone on the side table as Eliott walks back in, a glass of water in hand. He smiles, setting it next to Lucas’s phone, and flops next to him. “Hi. Mika just gave me a shovel talk, I think.”

“Oh god,” Lucas says, stuffing his face in a pillow.

“It was cute? Lisa stood there and glared the whole time.” Eliott looks up at him, and Lucas looks back. He never thought he’d have this again. “I’m glad you have people who love you.”

“You know, you have people who love you, too.” Lucas kisses his forehead, running his hand up and down Eliott’s back. “I think it overlaps with people who love me, though. Sorry.” 

Eliott shakes his head. “No, I think I like it that way.” He kisses Lucas once, twice, then pulls back. “I missed you. I love you. Thank you for being you.”

Lucas smiles. “I missed you too. I love you. Thank you for coming back to me.”

Eliott snuggles into his side, and Lucas feels his whole body relax in his arms. He smiles, drifting off into a peaceful sleep with Eliott next to him. There’s a lot more they need to say, but it doesn’t all have to be said right now, and Lucas falls asleep happy, content,  _ okay;  _ he has everything he needs right next to him.

He couldn’t ask for more than that. __

**Author's Note:**

> if u want to watch me break down about skam france at any time, follow me on twitter @/iucasvaitersen :)
> 
> thank you for reading! i hope you enjoyed it.


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